Showing posts with label Life: An Amazing Cocktail. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Life: An Amazing Cocktail. Show all posts
The little boy was confused. He looked at the idol in the temple. ‘A God?’ he wondered. It was Fat and quite Huge. Head of an elephant with body of a human. Mommy had told him God was beautiful. He was not sure now.
He turned to walk away. A laddoo rolled out of a plate. Smiling, he picked it up and gulped it whole.
Indeed God was beautiful.
Ravi was home early from work. Strangely, he found the front door of the house locked. He used his spare key. He walked through the lobby with clothes scattered all over the floor. As he walked slowly towards the bedroom, he saw his sister Ritu sleeping naked. He took her in arms and went to his mother in kitchen. Mother's surprised call woke up the 3 year old Ritu.
That room so strange
That you a stranger
Yet nothing more I wanted
To lick that smile u wickedly flaunted
That those lips against mine
Your taste so divine
Locked with glassy eyes
Those trailing fingers mesmerize
Greedy so greedy me
But shy, you see?
You waved me over
A feeling before felt never
Tongues tangled
Lips mingled
Consumed me with every stroke
Savored me as my breaths broke
More and more and more
That swollen lip I wore
To be lost, felt like heaven
Forever of it not enough even
Cuz that was a really small time
To be victimized in your sensual crime
Don't stop, my first kiss
Diving in eternal bliss...
That you a stranger
That room so strange
Lets kiss again, I want revenge ;-)
Are you upset that your
girlfriend is fat and does not have the figure like that of a supermodel?? Is
your girlfriend too stubborn and refuses to work out?? Doesn’t she stop gorging
on fatty fast foods??
Don’t worry!! Here are a few
miraculous things you can say to her and trust me, she will hit the gym right
away…
Points to moti-vate your moti
girlfriend for losing weight…
- Moti, tu lift pe akele bhi chadhti hogi to overloaded ho jata hoga na???...
- Tere ghar ke aap pass ke roads kaise hain?? Tute-phute!! No wonder!! Tu chalti hogi unpe..
- Tu first floor pe rehti kaise hai…building dhas ni jati??...
- I am curious…tu darwaze kaise kholti hai? Haath pahunchte kaise hai?? Pet takra ni jata???
- I am sure Earth ki centre of gravity tere hi shaher mein hogi
- Tu kabhi bed pe soya mat kar, tut jaega…zameen pe gadda bichha ke bhi soegi na toh vo b dab jaega.. Mattress wale tujhe dekh k warranty cancel kr dete h uski..
- (cont.) kabhi main tere baju mein soya to ludak ke tere pass aa jaunga… Bhagwan na kare neend mein mujhpe chadh gai to chipke huye sticker ki tarah nikalna padega mujhe gadde se…
- Tu ek city mein zyada din mat raha kar….migrate karti rehna…warna us city ki food supply khatam ho jaegi…
- (Marriage special) Baraat ke sath mujhe 3-4 helicopters bhi lane padenge tujhe uthake le jane ke lie…
- Suhaagraat pe jab main tere upar rahunga to aisi feeling aegi mano haathi ke upar chinti reng rahi ho!!!
- Tujhse shaadi karne se pehle bohot soch-vichaar krna padega…tera pet bharne ke lie meri salary crores mein honi chahie…
- World War 2 ke time paeda hui hoti to America wale nuclear bomb ki jagah tujhe use kar lete…teri ek fart se Hiroshima aur Nagasaki ek saath tabaah ho jata… arey aj to fir bhi life prosperous hai wahan…tu hoti to aaj tak barren land rehta wo…
- (Placement special) Pta hai kisi company mein tujhe job kyu nahi mil rahi? Kyunki wo log tujhe dekhke darr jate hain ki canteen ka saara khana to tu akele hi kha jaegi…
- (Politics special) Politicians ko strike karna hota hai to tujhe le jate hain? Tujhe main road pe bitha dete honge…and ROAD BLOCK!!
- Tu kabhi abroad chali gai to Modi bohot khush ho jaega…india se itni badi bojh chali jaegi…yahan ki bhukhmari ki samasya bilkul khatam ho jaegi…
- Jab razai chhoti pad jati hai to logon ke paer bahar nikal aate hain…tera to bada sa pet bahar nikal ata hoga na!!
- Kabhi koi insect tere tummy pe reng le to uske circles aur spheres ke concepts kisi mathematician se bhi zyada strong ho jate hain…
- Fatso! Belt to fit ati ni hogi tujhe…kamar pe indicator laga liya kar…log savdhan rahenge tujhse…
- Tu kalyug ki Bakasur hai…jitna khana pura city khata hai, utna to tu akele hi khaa jati hai..
Farting Out Loud!! FOL!!! :D
Say these to her…these will
definitely work*
She will start dieting and
working out from the very moment…and surely she will stick to it till she
reduces down…
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- She might break up with you (well that’s good for you cuz then you can find a slimmer girlfriend)
- She might sit on you or fart at you (now that’s bad cuz you might die)
But well it’s worth the risk,
don’t you think??? :P
When a dead body decomposes in the ocean, scientists know little about what happens to it. To find out, some researchers performed an unusual experiment that involved dropping pig carcasses into the sea.
Lots of human bodies end up in the sea, whether due to accidents, suicides or from being intentionally dumped there, but nobody really knows what happens to them, said Gail Anderson, a forensic entomologist at Simon Fraser University in Canada who led the unusual study.
"Pigs are the best models for humans," Anderson told Live Science. They're roughly the right size for a human body; they have the same kind of gut bacteria, and they're relatively hairless..
The researchers monitored what happened to the pig bodies using the live cameras, which they could control from anywhere with an Internet connection, and sensors that could measure oxygen levels, temperature, pressure, salinity and other factors.
It didn't take long for scavengers to find the pigs. Shrimp, Dungeness crabs and squat lobsters all arrived and started munching on the bodies; a shark even came to feed on one of the pig corpses.Scavengers ate the first two bodies down to the bones within a month, but they took months to pick the third one clean.
The third body likely took so much longer due to the levels of oxygen in the water, the researchers found.
Lots of human bodies end up in the sea, whether due to accidents, suicides or from being intentionally dumped there, but nobody really knows what happens to them, said Gail Anderson, a forensic entomologist at Simon Fraser University in Canada who led the unusual study.
"Pigs are the best models for humans," Anderson told Live Science. They're roughly the right size for a human body; they have the same kind of gut bacteria, and they're relatively hairless..
The researchers monitored what happened to the pig bodies using the live cameras, which they could control from anywhere with an Internet connection, and sensors that could measure oxygen levels, temperature, pressure, salinity and other factors.
It didn't take long for scavengers to find the pigs. Shrimp, Dungeness crabs and squat lobsters all arrived and started munching on the bodies; a shark even came to feed on one of the pig corpses.Scavengers ate the first two bodies down to the bones within a month, but they took months to pick the third one clean.
The third body likely took so much longer due to the levels of oxygen in the water, the researchers found.
How to Book a Luxury Hotel Room for an Hour
Many reputable hotels are happy to book your tryst. You just need to know how to ask.
Every man – well, every man who travels - knows that there’s something singular about hotel sex. It’s a chance to be reckless and outside yourself, an opportunity to get truly weird. And you want it when you want it, which is sometimes when you’re still in town. That’s no problem if you know how to arrange a short (but not too short) stay.
Mainstream hotels – not to mention luxury chains – rarely advertise hourly rates, but that doesn’t mean they don’t have them. Hospitality industry insiders will tell you there are several ways to spend the same amount you might at a fleabag motel and get a room with a view and a shower big enough for two.
Day-use packages, like those offered during daytime hours at many airport hotels and on sites like DayUseHotels.com, are a bit of a euphemism and can work out well if you’re looking for a lunchtime frolic – but they’re not always the cheapest option, when you break things down by the hour.
We asked Bob Diener, co-founder of Getaroom.com, for a bit of guidance to help us navigate the world of un-publicized rates and per-hour deals.
How To Get an Hourly Rate
“Luxury hotels, and the range of hotels on our site, aren’t renting by the hour. But what a lot of hotels are doing that they don’t necessarily advertise is allowing people to come in and rent a room by the day for a few hours. How they’re packaging it these days is by using deals that let you use the room, the gym, and the pool. But what many people don’t know is that looking for secret rates is a better way to get a lower room rate."
How to Get a Secret Rate
“Hotels like keeping their rates higher publicly, but on a limited basis they’re offering special rates for those who know how to get them. We have 40,000 hotels participating with unpublished rates – they’re willing to give us better rates if we don’t publish the numbers online.”
“It’s usually about 10 to 20 percent off the published rate on our site and other sites, but it’s sometimes as high as 50 or 60 percent. If you only want to use the room for a few hours, spending time to call in and ask about these unpublished rates makes a lot of sense.”
How to Get a Room at Night
We often have people who say they’re flying into a city and landing late, say 2 AM. Most hotels won’t let you even check into your room until the afternoon. So this is another time when booking the unpublished rate can save you. You book the room for the night before your late-night arrival, then you can check in at any time.”
Many reputable hotels are happy to book your tryst. You just need to know how to ask.
Every man – well, every man who travels - knows that there’s something singular about hotel sex. It’s a chance to be reckless and outside yourself, an opportunity to get truly weird. And you want it when you want it, which is sometimes when you’re still in town. That’s no problem if you know how to arrange a short (but not too short) stay.
Mainstream hotels – not to mention luxury chains – rarely advertise hourly rates, but that doesn’t mean they don’t have them. Hospitality industry insiders will tell you there are several ways to spend the same amount you might at a fleabag motel and get a room with a view and a shower big enough for two.
Day-use packages, like those offered during daytime hours at many airport hotels and on sites like DayUseHotels.com, are a bit of a euphemism and can work out well if you’re looking for a lunchtime frolic – but they’re not always the cheapest option, when you break things down by the hour.
We asked Bob Diener, co-founder of Getaroom.com, for a bit of guidance to help us navigate the world of un-publicized rates and per-hour deals.
How To Get an Hourly Rate
“Luxury hotels, and the range of hotels on our site, aren’t renting by the hour. But what a lot of hotels are doing that they don’t necessarily advertise is allowing people to come in and rent a room by the day for a few hours. How they’re packaging it these days is by using deals that let you use the room, the gym, and the pool. But what many people don’t know is that looking for secret rates is a better way to get a lower room rate."
How to Get a Secret Rate
“Hotels like keeping their rates higher publicly, but on a limited basis they’re offering special rates for those who know how to get them. We have 40,000 hotels participating with unpublished rates – they’re willing to give us better rates if we don’t publish the numbers online.”
“It’s usually about 10 to 20 percent off the published rate on our site and other sites, but it’s sometimes as high as 50 or 60 percent. If you only want to use the room for a few hours, spending time to call in and ask about these unpublished rates makes a lot of sense.”
How to Get a Room at Night
We often have people who say they’re flying into a city and landing late, say 2 AM. Most hotels won’t let you even check into your room until the afternoon. So this is another time when booking the unpublished rate can save you. You book the room for the night before your late-night arrival, then you can check in at any time.”
How To Make Your Own Luck in the Office
If you want opportunity to come knocking, build a really big door.
The term serendipity was coined on January 28, 1754 by Horace Walpole, the fourth Earl of Oxford, who stole those first three syllables from the Persian folktale The Three Princes of Serendip. That story is about three banished princes who wander outside their kingdom in despair until a series of happy coincidences leads them back to the throne (or some strange timeshare co-throning arrangement). As Walpole originally wrote, those blessed with serendipity are “…always making discoveries, by accidents and sagacity, of things they were not in quest of.” Nowadays, we call those people “lucky sons of bitches.” Times change.
Luck is, as they say, a fickle woman, undirected and unreliable. Relying on luck as a regular buoying force is a fool’s game like playing scratch cards. You can’t create it and you can’t destroy it, but that doesn’t mean you can’t create the conditions in which luck thrives. This is called “sagacity,” a term you don’t hear much nowadays and an idea that warrants consideration, especially in the age of optimization. Here is a beginner's guide to cultivating serendipity.
Clear the path: You want a promotion. So, take control of everything you can. The baseline is good, hard work, timeliness, and courtesy: if another employee has something to say against you, it should be nothing more than a difference in a professional strategy.
Make social space: There’s no particular virtue in being the guy no one has anything bad to say about. You want to be the guy that people actively recommend. In order to be that guy, you have to seem like a multi-dimensional human being. The best way to do this is to engage with your co-worker while not actually working. If you smoke, make the most out of corner smoke-breaks. If you’re a caffeine-hound, spearhead a trip to get coffee. When you create “extracurricular” time at work, time to joke, ask about families, and tell your own stories, you’re not only creating a happier work environment, you’re positioning yourself as someone who co-workers want to recommend when something big comes down the pike.
Embrace flexibility: Writers are coached to “kill their darlings”—delete the cute shit - for the good of the larger piece. The same principle can be applied to professional choices. Sometimes, getting attached to bits and moments of your working life inhibits decision-making. A nice commute, a fun relationship with a co-worker, or the burden of sunk costs are not reasons for professional complacency. Always be attentive to opportunities, large or small, that, though they hold immediate logistical or interpersonal challenges, will position you more favorably five years down the line.
Be Honest (With Yourself): Be brutal: Is your career panning out? If not, if things are just good enough to lull you into stasis, move on, ASAP. There is no worse place than to plant the seeds of luck than in the fallow ground of “fine."
Take Initiative(s): “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” If that metaphor works for you, go with it. We prefer to think of it this way: If you’re not doing anything, you’re not doing anything. In small terms, embracing risk can mean pitching ideas to senior managers or taking a chance on a big but unstable client; in grand terms, that means identifying what skills, experience, and network you have, and starting a business that makes use of these assets.
Be generous with your time: While we’ll hold back from invoking “karma,” doing right by others is more than an ethical imperative—it opens an avenue for you to be the recipient of favor. Cover for co-workers when they need it, help friends lug boxes from apartment to apartment, babysit your sister’s kids, and don’t just write a check to an African NGO—volunteer locally. People want to help those who have helped them: Don’t stop them.
If you want opportunity to come knocking, build a really big door.
The term serendipity was coined on January 28, 1754 by Horace Walpole, the fourth Earl of Oxford, who stole those first three syllables from the Persian folktale The Three Princes of Serendip. That story is about three banished princes who wander outside their kingdom in despair until a series of happy coincidences leads them back to the throne (or some strange timeshare co-throning arrangement). As Walpole originally wrote, those blessed with serendipity are “…always making discoveries, by accidents and sagacity, of things they were not in quest of.” Nowadays, we call those people “lucky sons of bitches.” Times change.
Luck is, as they say, a fickle woman, undirected and unreliable. Relying on luck as a regular buoying force is a fool’s game like playing scratch cards. You can’t create it and you can’t destroy it, but that doesn’t mean you can’t create the conditions in which luck thrives. This is called “sagacity,” a term you don’t hear much nowadays and an idea that warrants consideration, especially in the age of optimization. Here is a beginner's guide to cultivating serendipity.
Clear the path: You want a promotion. So, take control of everything you can. The baseline is good, hard work, timeliness, and courtesy: if another employee has something to say against you, it should be nothing more than a difference in a professional strategy.
Make social space: There’s no particular virtue in being the guy no one has anything bad to say about. You want to be the guy that people actively recommend. In order to be that guy, you have to seem like a multi-dimensional human being. The best way to do this is to engage with your co-worker while not actually working. If you smoke, make the most out of corner smoke-breaks. If you’re a caffeine-hound, spearhead a trip to get coffee. When you create “extracurricular” time at work, time to joke, ask about families, and tell your own stories, you’re not only creating a happier work environment, you’re positioning yourself as someone who co-workers want to recommend when something big comes down the pike.
Embrace flexibility: Writers are coached to “kill their darlings”—delete the cute shit - for the good of the larger piece. The same principle can be applied to professional choices. Sometimes, getting attached to bits and moments of your working life inhibits decision-making. A nice commute, a fun relationship with a co-worker, or the burden of sunk costs are not reasons for professional complacency. Always be attentive to opportunities, large or small, that, though they hold immediate logistical or interpersonal challenges, will position you more favorably five years down the line.
Be Honest (With Yourself): Be brutal: Is your career panning out? If not, if things are just good enough to lull you into stasis, move on, ASAP. There is no worse place than to plant the seeds of luck than in the fallow ground of “fine."
Take Initiative(s): “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” If that metaphor works for you, go with it. We prefer to think of it this way: If you’re not doing anything, you’re not doing anything. In small terms, embracing risk can mean pitching ideas to senior managers or taking a chance on a big but unstable client; in grand terms, that means identifying what skills, experience, and network you have, and starting a business that makes use of these assets.
Be generous with your time: While we’ll hold back from invoking “karma,” doing right by others is more than an ethical imperative—it opens an avenue for you to be the recipient of favor. Cover for co-workers when they need it, help friends lug boxes from apartment to apartment, babysit your sister’s kids, and don’t just write a check to an African NGO—volunteer locally. People want to help those who have helped them: Don’t stop them.
Freaky morning! Sweet memories!
I was so so scared this morning when this creepy lizard fell on my shoulder...i screamed, I dropped my glass of milk, made a scene...i am sure I even scared the shit out of that tiny lizard... N truly I am still freaked out n breathing hard! This was too gross n creepy n scary...n not something I can take!!
But the very next moment a sweet old memory popped up..a similar incident happened when I was around 6yrs old...i had been equally freaked out if not more... Then my superhero came to my rescue!! My dad!! He consoled me that there is an old 'kahaawat' that if a lizard falls on u, u get money!! Well, the whole idea was quite intimidating!! So I waited for my lottery!! In the evening same day my dad handed me 10bucks saying "see sweetie! Didn't I tell u, u will get money today"...I was so so happy...n merrily munched on a five-star bar!! N trust me from then on for a few years everytime i looked at a lizard i used to say "c'mon u dirty lizzie! I am not scared of u! Fall on me n make me rich!!" :D
Well now my superhero is no more with me...n now I have grown up... No more can I let him know that i get scared of such a small thing n that I still need him... Its a role reversal now...i have to be his super girl..
N also now my superhero is my boyfriend...its him i share my difficulties with...its he who helps me out... But then what about these little conquers of scary lizards n demons under the bed!! Hell no!! I cant even let him know thinking he might consider me an idiot!! Too embarrassing!!!
So at my own rescue now...but hell I so so much need someone right now... No, not for money...but for embrace...for love... That's my lottery!!! I miss u dad!! I miss being that little frocky girl giggling on ur lap...I miss being rescued by u...
We girls are our dad's princess...but in the hunt of trying to find our Prince Charming, we tend to ignore the Old Man... But it will never be the same... We can have the best of best boyfriend...but one superhero can never replace the other!!
No boyfriend, no husband...no one can ever make u feel like ur Old Prince did!! No one can make u feel like a princess as he did!! Wear that diamond ring ur fiance proposed u with, but don't forget ur diamond-hearted father!!
I was so so scared this morning when this creepy lizard fell on my shoulder...i screamed, I dropped my glass of milk, made a scene...i am sure I even scared the shit out of that tiny lizard... N truly I am still freaked out n breathing hard! This was too gross n creepy n scary...n not something I can take!!But the very next moment a sweet old memory popped up..a similar incident happened when I was around 6yrs old...i had been equally freaked out if not more... Then my superhero came to my rescue!! My dad!! He consoled me that there is an old 'kahaawat' that if a lizard falls on u, u get money!! Well, the whole idea was quite intimidating!! So I waited for my lottery!! In the evening same day my dad handed me 10bucks saying "see sweetie! Didn't I tell u, u will get money today"...I was so so happy...n merrily munched on a five-star bar!! N trust me from then on for a few years everytime i looked at a lizard i used to say "c'mon u dirty lizzie! I am not scared of u! Fall on me n make me rich!!" :D
Well now my superhero is no more with me...n now I have grown up... No more can I let him know that i get scared of such a small thing n that I still need him... Its a role reversal now...i have to be his super girl..
N also now my superhero is my boyfriend...its him i share my difficulties with...its he who helps me out... But then what about these little conquers of scary lizards n demons under the bed!! Hell no!! I cant even let him know thinking he might consider me an idiot!! Too embarrassing!!!
So at my own rescue now...but hell I so so much need someone right now... No, not for money...but for embrace...for love... That's my lottery!!! I miss u dad!! I miss being that little frocky girl giggling on ur lap...I miss being rescued by u...
We girls are our dad's princess...but in the hunt of trying to find our Prince Charming, we tend to ignore the Old Man... But it will never be the same... We can have the best of best boyfriend...but one superhero can never replace the other!!
No boyfriend, no husband...no one can ever make u feel like ur Old Prince did!! No one can make u feel like a princess as he did!! Wear that diamond ring ur fiance proposed u with, but don't forget ur diamond-hearted father!!
I am young and I simply love every bit of this
experience…that sweet blissfulness, the combo of little innocence and little
maturity, the slow transition from dependence to independence… Have u ever seen
those little birds taking their first flight…of course they fall, get hurt, try
quite a few times before they fly out proud with their first successful sail in
that gigantic sky.. We girls are like that…taking one step at a time…some
things, we are taught and some, we learn on our own… There is a different magic
in all that we do…probably hard for others to understand but too irresistible
for us to withhold… Our spending on endless clothes and shoes, the hours we
spend in front of the mirror trying to figure out what to wear but still being
clueless about it, we might have thousands of clothes still we think “I have
nothing to wear”, the torturous pain of stilettos are cool but a single pimple
on our face is far far more freaky than 102degree fever, the secret crushes we
have on Ranbir Kapoor is more serious a topic than the price rise of petrol,
the cute boy next door we can’t sum up the courage to talk to, the planning of
secret anniversary parties for our parents, making faces for conning out money
from mom to catch up the latest movie, making the perfect coffee for dad is
equivalent to winning the battle of panipat!!
Yes at times we are difficult to deal with…too much
‘nakhre’, too many demands… We are crackpots once a month with the menses. We
are drama queens. But...we also love without limits... Mom, if u cry, we cry with you. Dad, if u are
hurt, it pains us more. Brothers and sisters, to us you are the best buddies we
fight and laugh with. Boyfriend, we do everything it takes to make you feel
like a superstar (even if u aren’t).
We might be annoying but cutely annoying, we might be dumb
but sweetly dumb, we might cry over small little things but we also love and
care with all our heart. That’s how we are…flowers...tend us like a gardener
and we bloom happily giving you a treat of beauty…
Being a girl is hell difficult but also it is the most
awesome experience ever!!! J
Yun to tere saath se zindagi badi hi khoobsurat hai
Par tere kandhe pe sar nahi rakh pati
Waqt se bas itni si hi shikaayat hai
Aur koi nahi wo to tu hai jo meri nigahon ki nazaakat hai
Tasveeron se nikalne ki gustakhi bhi kar le kabhi
Is pagal dil ki bas ek chhoti si hi zarurat hai
Sapno mein roz tujhse mil saku dil ki bas yehi ek ibaadat hai
Lekin teri aashiqui sone hi nahi deti
Is manzar ki chhedi hui ye zalim bagaawat hai
Yun to tere saath se zindagi badi hi khoobsurat hai
Par teri baahon mein main nahi hu
Waqt se bas itni si hi shikaayat hai...