Being manly is such a big deal for you, isn’t it? Follow these few steps that will turn you into an incredible man. All you need is sheer determination and a GIRL or GIRLS. 100% satisfaction and solitude guaranteed. Be what you were born to be. An insensitive hard ass, for nuts’ sake!
1. When your girl calls you for like 100 times in a day to just make sure that she gets that five minutes of your day, don’t answer her call even once. She might call you during your usual time of talking at night… just don’t pick up. She’s a woman, she might just pick up your call when she’s sleeping, or even out with her friends or with her parents or wherever. But you’re a guy. You’re not supposed to do that. Sleep, eat and don’t pick up!
2. Be honest and get an excuse to be a douche bag. Tell her that you were busy drinking and partying with your friends and didn’t give a damn about making her wait. Letting her know where you were is really NOT IMPORTANT for you.
3. Criticize her appearance, tease her in a hurtful way in front of your friends. Make everyone else laugh on this but her.
4. Make promises to her about things only to break them over and over again. Since she is a sensitive creature, she would consider this as a slap on her face and then you’ll successfully drive her away from you, transforming yourself to become the ultimate MAN you want to be.
5. When she’s sad and lonely and having a bad day, don’t comfort her. Pick fights with her and make her feel even worse.
6. Be extremely irresponsible when it comes to girls. If she has come with you to your friend’s party, let her feel as out of the place as she can. Don’t bother about how she’s going to go back home in the middle of the night. She would at least expect you to ask whether she reached home safely or not. But who cares, right?
7. Don’t make time for her throughout the entire week. Then make a big deal about one particular hour of a weekend where you promise her it’s going to be all for her. She will look forward to this hour, like a child waiting for her Christmas gift. Because obviously, she would love to know what’s been going on with you through the week and she is dying to tell you some funny stories about what happened with her too. Then she might plan to shower you with kisses and hugs and tell you how much she missed you. Cut that crap! Call her for like 5 minutes, and pretend you fell off to sleep. The cost of the call: Rs. 5. The expression on her face: Priceless.
8. Accuse her of getting angry all the time. Even if she’s not angry, accuse her! Keep on asking her why she gets angry all the time. After that, she’ll BE angry. And maybe she’ll burst out crying too. Here’s where you get your “Yay! You made a woman cry!” badge.
9. Date or flirt around with a lot of girls and…you got it right! She will get pissed off and to top this, accuse her of being a possessive freaking creature. Double jackpot!
10. If none of the above works for making you a complete man (which i highly doubt), abuse her physically, mentally, verbally, every which way possible. And finally, you’ll be known as a well-suited, chivalrous man. Guys, you must definitely try this one out to get effective results.
P.S: We know it’s a way too sexist and sarcastic piece. We use sarcasm only because arguing with stupid people and telling them things straight on the face isn’t as much fun. But let us tell you one thing that we know a lot of wonderful assholes who are amazingly exceptional cases and wouldn’t be one intentionally.
1. When your girl calls you for like 100 times in a day to just make sure that she gets that five minutes of your day, don’t answer her call even once. She might call you during your usual time of talking at night… just don’t pick up. She’s a woman, she might just pick up your call when she’s sleeping, or even out with her friends or with her parents or wherever. But you’re a guy. You’re not supposed to do that. Sleep, eat and don’t pick up!
2. Be honest and get an excuse to be a douche bag. Tell her that you were busy drinking and partying with your friends and didn’t give a damn about making her wait. Letting her know where you were is really NOT IMPORTANT for you.
3. Criticize her appearance, tease her in a hurtful way in front of your friends. Make everyone else laugh on this but her.
4. Make promises to her about things only to break them over and over again. Since she is a sensitive creature, she would consider this as a slap on her face and then you’ll successfully drive her away from you, transforming yourself to become the ultimate MAN you want to be.
5. When she’s sad and lonely and having a bad day, don’t comfort her. Pick fights with her and make her feel even worse.
6. Be extremely irresponsible when it comes to girls. If she has come with you to your friend’s party, let her feel as out of the place as she can. Don’t bother about how she’s going to go back home in the middle of the night. She would at least expect you to ask whether she reached home safely or not. But who cares, right?
7. Don’t make time for her throughout the entire week. Then make a big deal about one particular hour of a weekend where you promise her it’s going to be all for her. She will look forward to this hour, like a child waiting for her Christmas gift. Because obviously, she would love to know what’s been going on with you through the week and she is dying to tell you some funny stories about what happened with her too. Then she might plan to shower you with kisses and hugs and tell you how much she missed you. Cut that crap! Call her for like 5 minutes, and pretend you fell off to sleep. The cost of the call: Rs. 5. The expression on her face: Priceless.
8. Accuse her of getting angry all the time. Even if she’s not angry, accuse her! Keep on asking her why she gets angry all the time. After that, she’ll BE angry. And maybe she’ll burst out crying too. Here’s where you get your “Yay! You made a woman cry!” badge.
9. Date or flirt around with a lot of girls and…you got it right! She will get pissed off and to top this, accuse her of being a possessive freaking creature. Double jackpot!
10. If none of the above works for making you a complete man (which i highly doubt), abuse her physically, mentally, verbally, every which way possible. And finally, you’ll be known as a well-suited, chivalrous man. Guys, you must definitely try this one out to get effective results.
P.S: We know it’s a way too sexist and sarcastic piece. We use sarcasm only because arguing with stupid people and telling them things straight on the face isn’t as much fun. But let us tell you one thing that we know a lot of wonderful assholes who are amazingly exceptional cases and wouldn’t be one intentionally.
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